Othello Essay Thesis, please, please help?

I'm actually a fan of redundancy, as it fills up more pages (which is especially important for essays that require a certain page/word count). I would say to put a semicolon after the first sentence, as they are very similar to each other. Other than that, I love it; especially the strong stances you take (which I feel is a must for a thesis), evident by the very powerful last sentence. Good job!